Wednesday October Twelfth, Two Thousand and Eleven.

It's almost the middle of October, and this is the first time I have laid eyes on this blog since August 18th, 2011, apparently. It was 4 days before I started my new job at a call center for a bank, and since then my life has pretty much consisted of working and sleeping and then repeating. I can't believe that this much time has gone by, because the past 6 and a half weeks have flown by. I have actually been out of training for about 6 days now and the experience has been crazy. I have learned a lot about myself; what I am capable of, what I'm not, how much of the information I actually managed to learn and retain, and how much less that information actually helped me once I was kicked out of the nest! That's is not to say the information was useless. It isn't. In fact I am required by law to know most if not all of it. It's just that the information itself in my job is useless if not properly handled. It is much more important to know how to talk to people, how to get the information you need to do your job, while at the same time providing someone with the information they need in order to maintain their lives. The thing I was most nervous about when I started this job was that at some point, it was inevitable that I would have to have a conversation with "that guy." That guy, is the guy you dread. If you have ever worked customer service in any capacity, you have probably met "that guy." He is the asshole that gets specifically routed right to you like a huge pile of dog shit wrapped in a gift box made out of rage and stupidity and hand delivered right to you. He is the guy that has decided that he is going to make you his personal punching bag, who will blame things on you, and aim his misguided rage over his own personal failings straight at you. He is the customer that thinks that if he is pushy and aggressive that he will get what he wants. He is the guy that can't understand the distinction between one person and a corporation. I have come to learn, that there are a lot of "that guys" in this world. I had always dreaded getting "that guy" because I was really uncomfortable with confrontation and always worried about what people thought of me. I was so afraid of being yelled at because I had not yet learned how to process negative emotions or criticism pointed at me, misdirected or otherwise. I was so afraid that someone would call me stupid, curse at me, threaten to sue me, get me fired, and so on. I had previously worked in tech support for three years, and got to a skill level where I could fairly quickly solve anyone's problem in a single interaction and they would think I was a wizard because people seem to think the Internet is magic. So making people happy was really easy, and on the occasion that I spoke to someone that belittled me or criticized me for not being good at my job, I took it very personally and I actually allowed it to bother me and bring me down. I welcomed occasions where others had said negative things to me or about me as opportunities to reaffirm my own beliefs that I was simply not good enough. In other words, if it was said about me, it must be true, because random stranger's assessments of my worth as a human being must be true. I never trusted my opinions and beliefs about myself, because I never trusted my own sanity and level of self-awareness. Well it turns out that if you talk to a lot of different people on a daily basis, the opposite is actually true. The moment you realize how varied people's responses to you are is the moment that you no longer place importance on other's criticisms in relation to your own self-image. If you learn the rules of your job and follow them to the letter and keep yourself in line, and you project self-confidence because you speak with conviction, then you will be less and less bothered when people don't like what you have to say. If it's your job to do something, then you do it, be consistent, and do it right. Customers tend to start by coming at me by including me in the "you people" that have screwed her over, wasted her time, stole her money, wanted to take her things, etc. Most of the time I am able to take that criticism as an opportunity to distinguish myself by being clear, concise, and helpful. Tone of voice is everything, and projecting indecision, hesitation, or frustration in your voice is the fastest way to make someone even angrier than they were before they even met you. If you allow the person to vent their frustrations, and tell you about their experiences; if you Listen, and do not speak, they will think you care. If you empathize with their emotions, and you relate to them, they will remember that you are a person. Its a weird mix of a struggle for dominance and a very subtle form of manipulation where I convince you I am helping you while at the same time getting all the information I need to do my job, and making it seem like we're just having a conversation. When I am asked a question, I make sure I know the answer, and I make damn sure that I say the answer with conviction, even if you don't like my answer. Having this job has opened my eyes to the failings of others, and some people's inability to face reality. There are those that feel entitled to certain things that they shouldn't feel entitled to. They agreed to an arrangement without first being absolutely sure they would be able to fulfill their end of the deal. They failed to factor in the unpredictability of their own lives. They made the mistake of thinking that things would never change. Do you know where you'll be, WHO you will be in 30 years? I fucking don't, that's for sure. I wouldn't even bet on 6 months from now, and I conduct my life accordingly. I know I will be held responsible for my actions, and my failure to successfully function within the current system even if it is flawed, is no one's fault but my own. I have no right to expect perfection of a system created by imperfect people, and in order to repair and improve a system is to alter the existing structure. Push from the inside a little at a time, fight for what's right and exemplify the values you personally hold, and maybe someday you will have done some small part in improving the human condition. But for now, you cannot be expected to fix the entire thing yourself, so if anyone tries to place that responsibility on your shoulders, you know they are retarded. Realizing the humanity in others allows you to better accept your own humanity. I have managed to assimilate this belief almost completely into my psyche, but there are some days where I forget, temporarily, and allow my ego to get the better of me.